The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez

It is more satisfying to be a bad player at golf. The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot. ~Nubar Gulbenkian, 1972

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken. ~Raymond Floyd

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced. ~Attributed to both Miller Barber and Lee Trevino

Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one. ~Martha Beckman

The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. ~Author Unknown

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour. ~Author Unknown

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. ~Phyllis Diller

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G. Hutchinson

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. ~Paul Gallico

Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it. ~Ted Ray, Golf - My Slice of Life, 1972

I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right. ~Ben Crenshaw